Ox Fall Down

Matchday 9: They're a half hour behind so you flip through Marie Claire and learn about "Runway to Realway: 10 Ways to Flatter Your Figure." The 2nd way is "Look Taller." Time to switch to Cosmo. Since you can't figure out Who's That Guy Without His Shirt? you quit magazines for the day. ESPN News has a countdown going for the A-Rod-Garciaparra deal and Jason Stark says it's not looking good. Time to get rad as Phil calls you in. Left and right sides accessed. After three cycles the pattern has held: back and left side; back and right side; left and right sides.

Into an examination room and up on the scales. Funf und achtzig macht ein Mensch and you're past that at an even 100kg. 3,500 calories per day, indeed. Resting heart-rate is 60; blood pressure is 110 over 70. Or is it 140 over 70? In either case the nurse says you're fine. Any pain? No. Any nausea? Yes. Any burning? No. Let's see about that. She lifts up your shirt and shows you two pink circles with magic marker centers. One on the left and one on the right. You take her word for the one on your back. Aquaphor (petrolatum) twice a day should take care of it. No hot showers, though. Yeah, sure.

Eat or vomit. Eat. You're fine. Down Newbury Street. Hello, Petrea. Drop your bag off at Nate's. Aimee picks you up and fifty yards later you know it's a mistake to be in the car. She drives like she skies. Rush-hour traffic and cars become gates. You make it through the drive, Friends, and Will and Grace without throwing. She offers to drive you home. Thanks anyways, the weather's nice and walking is good for you.